


Keep Me A Secret

by theglamourfades



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, S4 started out so promisingly, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 07:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16869145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theglamourfades/pseuds/theglamourfades
Summary: As Valentine's Day approaches at Downton Abbey, Anna comes up with a plan to make the most of the holiday with John. Set during S4.





	Keep Me A Secret

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as speculation prior to 4.1, given the Valentine's vibe to that episode.

"Heavens above! That sauce will turn into syrup soon enough with the way you're making those dopey eyes at it."

Mrs Patmore's bellow rung out from the kitchen, echoing into the servants' hall.

"Sorry, Mrs Patmore," a sweet voice came in contrast.

"I don't know…go and gather yourself for five minutes, and then we might just get some sense out of you. Blessed be, I swap one moon-eyed kitchen maid for another."

"I can't be doing with all of that anymore," Daisy chimed in a tone that registered how jaded she was with the situation, or perhaps it was just that she had matured in these past years.

"Now, go on, shoo. And take that with you. Don't think I haven't noticed you poring over it."

Exasperated tutting followed Ivy as she breezed into the hall, a lovestruck grin spread across her glowing face.

Glancing up from her button box, Anna looked fondly upon the young kitchen maid who had pulled a small scrap of paper from her apron and could not take her eyes from it, a series of giggles escaping her as her fingers stroked the edges reverently. Young love certainly was something to behold, and a funny thing too. She was glad that she didn't have the uncertainty, the set-up which was usually headed for a spectacular fall. A warmth spread up her where she sat when she thought of all she did have. It had made her just a little sad, years ago, when other maids had flirted and played at sweethearts with the footmen, but she could never have pretended at something as important as they had done. She smiled now remembering how her mother had always told her that  _'good things come to those who wait._ ' She had never been wrong.

Ivy let out a dreamy sigh as she plonked herself on the seat opposite Anna. Even in her daze, she refrained from sitting in the chair at Anna's side; it was an unwritten rule that that place belonged to Mr Bates, though he was not downstairs at present. Aside from one of the quieter maids, Agnes, who had her head buried in a book, it was just the two of them.

"Something has you smiling," Anna exclaimed with a hint of teasing that passed Ivy by, glancing at the back of the note.

A blush flooded Ivy's cheeks as she slowly lifted her eyes.

"Nobody's ever left me a secret note before," she said in almost a hush. The girl's innocence was completely endearing. "It's ever so romantic. I feel all a-flutter."

Anna could not help but share in the maid's excitement. She smiled, and as she did so, her shoulders bobbed up.

"Just don't let Mr Carson catch sight of it."

Even with his firm adherence to standards, Downton's butler could be persuaded to let a change in the usual routine go temporarily unnoticed on certain occasions, generally thanks to the influence of Mrs Hughes. Christmas, momentous birthdays, the King's coronation; all were observed with a freedom of merriment amongst the servants. Though people had differing ideas about Valentine's Day, the fuss that it provoked, particularly amongst the younger members of the household, was enough to cause a similar degree of relaxation of the rules.

This year however was quite different. Mr Carson felt it highly inappropriate to dare even mention hearts and flowers at a time when Lady Mary was still deep in the darkest depths of despair, the love of her life having been taken from the world too soon. It seemed a touch extreme, given that Lady Mary hardly took to leaving her room nowadays, never mind venturing downstairs, but Anna respected the butler's wishes, especially given the bond that had strengthened between her lady and herself in the past few months. So instead of notes being handed out openly in the run-up to the day, there was an added covertness heavy in the air, as well as a scampish playfulness as maids, hall boys and footmen dashed about, using the time when Mr Carson was not around to make their clandestine declarations of love. Everybody was quite giddy with it all indeed, and Anna rather enjoyed the headiness that had been created, even if she was keeping her distance as a sensible married woman, perhaps even too old for these kind of things now.

She watched Ivy toying with the note, a glint lighting her eyes while she leaned closer over her sewing and the table.

"Who do you suppose it's from?"

"Oh, I don't know," Ivy flustered at the question, squirming shyly in her seat and giggling. "I have noticed Jimmy looking over quite a few times since I opened it. And Alfred has been falling over his feet to do things for me, but then, he's always that way."

Anna smiled; Ivy had her fair share of admirers under the roof.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

Even though it was a big house and men and women were kept separated, the quarters were claustrophobic and nothing could be hidden for very long. In some cases that was a good thing; in others it could make life very difficult, she remembered.

"That is, if you wish to," Anna added with a hint of mischief.

Ivy shrugged, the grin still pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"I'm not sure, you know. It's quite nice not knowing. It doesn't make you disappointed."

A memory of a smile passed across Anna's lips as she looked down, needle passing through the thread. She shook her head lightly, working fluidly as Ivy flitted between reading the hidden words once more and watching her movements.

"It must be so nice for you and Mr Bates, having your own home," the kitchen maid considered out of nowhere.

Anna couldn't stop the bright smile from taking over her features and her heart from speeding up. Sometimes it was still surprising to her that they had their cottage, a haven to retreat to night after night. A place to call their own. Their home.

"It is," she replied, the light tone of her voice unable to conceal her joy, her hand almost spoiling the stitch she was working on. "It's very nice."

Ivy gave a shy smile in reply to Anna, averting her gaze for a moment. She didn't mind the questions; it was rather unusual for a couple to work together and have a home set up too, and Ivy was always sweet and never dared to pry into more personal matters.

"Is it different? I mean, well, it must be. Not waking up at the house…"

Anna let out a soft chuckle instantaneously and Ivy went red. Pursing her lips, Anna smiled warmly.

"Well, we do have to get up even earlier to get here on time."

It was a small price to pay, one that a reluctant early riser such as herself was willing to make. Thinking of the mornings they had got a little too comfortable and were close to being late, she felt her face start to burn. Stealing a glance at the clock in the corner, she was disappointed to see that it was only early afternoon.

"Have you and Mr Bates got anything nice planned for Valentine's Day?" Ivy asked, shaking Anna out of her daydream.

"I don't know if we'll have the time," Anna half-smiled towards the maid who was now standing, her answer brutally honest.

They never really got much chance to spend time together when they were both in the house, barring meals and the odd moment here and there. They were both too occupied with working as hard and dutifully as they could. The last few months especially had been hard, as both played the part not just of servant but faithful friend to the wife who had lost a husband and the father who had lost the man he considered to be his son. Precious few hours were left to them alone and it would have been easy to let the grief and sorrow encroach upon them, especially given all they had had to contend with, the too unfortunate knowledge they had of the emotions.

Yet, if anything, it only made them love harder. They knew they were extremely lucky to have braved the storms and let them pass, and now was the time that they could love one another and truly be happy, after having had to wait so long. Once the long road had been travelled and the key was in the lock of the door to their cottage, it was their time to enjoy their happiness without the fear of unwittingly upsetting anyone. It was their time to enjoy being husband and wife, together. Anna was unable to recall another time in her life when she had felt as blissfully happy as she was now.

She became aware of the draught down her side, the chair that remained empty. She thought of a warm fire, a pot of tea on the small table, John bringing her close to him on their sofa. It made her smile every single time.

 _We'll make the time_ , she thought.

"I'm sure there'll be something," she finished her previous statement with a smile that she kept only half hidden.

The sound of Mrs Patmore's voice crashed through the walls, beckoning Ivy to hurry along. The girl stuffed the folded paper back into her pocket and before she went back to the kitchen, she offered Anna a bashful but honest look.

"It's lovely that you're together, after everything. I don't know if I ever will be that lucky, but I hope that I shall have a love like you and Mr Bates have one day."

Anna felt her heart warm as Ivy skipped out of the door, her head bowed a little.

Her thoughts began to drift and they got a little girlish as she wondered upon her handsome husband and all the carefree, utterly joyful moments they had spent together recently that were just part of the profound and deep love they shared. For a few minutes, she drifted far back to the start, to what seemed like lifetimes ago now. It seemed as though all of their bridges had been crossed so long ago, and now there was nothing but plain sailing. That was probably not quite true, and Anna didn't mind it, but she did think that perhaps they had made the journey in reverse.

She smiled before she gathered herself, closing the button box and taking up her work. Lady Mary's bell rang just seconds after she did so and she let out an amused sigh.

As she was making to leave, something on the top of the table caught Anna's eye. She reached for it, and saw that it was an envelope with Ivy's name written on it. Her steps ceased before she could get to the kitchen, thinking better of causing any more trouble for Mrs Patmore. Instead, she tucked it into the pocket of her dress.

Making her way upstairs, a smile spread across her face as her mind began to formulate an idea.

* * *

It wasn't as bitterly cold as it had been for what seemed like an eternal winter, and Anna took advantage of the rather mild temperatures by February's standards by sitting out in the courtyard. Lady Mary had been listless after dinner and dismissed her with very few words spoken. Anna worried, wondering whether she should stay and offer some silent support to her mistress, but she reasoned that some space to herself would probably do Lady Mary good. She was still concerned, hoping fervently that her spirits would pick up soon enough, but she knew what it was like to feel utterly hopeless and have the world pulled from underneath your feet when everything seemed so golden. She also knew that nobody could rush Lady Mary, even if they had the best intentions in the world.

Leaning her hands against the crate, she craned her head back to look to the sky. The night was cloudy, which probably explained the warmth, but it also meant that the stars were covered from sight. Anna sighed, her breath misting ever so slightly on the air. She gave it one last look and then admitted defeat, her head glancing around. She smiled as his figure emerged from the shadows, his cane making an almost silent tap against the cobbled ground.

She felt weightless rising to her feet, travelling into his arms. They gathered around her, instinctively smoothing down her back as she sunk her head against his chest. The security and peace she felt was incredible. As she curled herself closer round his frame, her small hands grasping at the lapels of his jacket, a yearning desire rose up within her too.

"This brings back memories," John rasped against the air that was quickly cooling, the velvet-rich quality of his voice caressing her ear where it lay upon him.

Anna let out a tiny laugh, shifting herself comfortably in their embrace. There were so many held in this little space where they both stood. Times when they would talk and listen to one another, moments when she would offer her comfort and show her faith in him. Nights when the cover of darkness cloaked their stolen kisses and others when the pitch black was not enough to swallow her anguish.

It was true that not all of the memories they had made here were good ones, but she would not exchange any of them. This place – sometimes she would go as far as to say  _their place_  – was special. Suddenly she felt a great sense of nostalgia. She would forever be thankful for the home that had been given to them, and that they had made their own, but she enjoyed these moments just as much; the times before they went back for the night, filled with anticipation and longing for one another. Being playful as they remained just out of sight, stealing a few sweet or feverish kisses if the day had been very long and they were unable to wait. She couldn't quite recall the last time they had been here; probably because the winter weather had been unforgiving.

As the wind picked up around them, swaying them slightly, Anna felt warmer than she had ever done before. It was though a furnace was burning at the centre of her very soul. She braced her palms against him, looking up, and she was surprised and excited to see the dark flame dancing in his eyes. At once, it took her breath away and seemed to give voice to her words before she could consider them for too long.

"Mr Bates," she said seductively, and had to hold back her giggles when she saw his shoulders sag. He always preferred her to call him by his first name when they were alone. "You do know what day is coming up?"

"Well, let's see…Christmas has passed, it's not your birthday for months…I'm certain there's something."

She tapped against his chest lightly and let her laughter flow as he dipped to graze his lips against her cheek. She did love it when he was teasing, the notion still relatively new to her when they could know each other so openly. Anna began to shiver, certainly not from the cold when John's mouth trailed lower towards the hollow of her throat, and she pushed him away gently with her hands, hearing him stifle a sigh. His hands remained holding her at the small of her back and the feel of his fingers very lightly caressing there made her head spin.

"The others have all been so giddy lately, keeping their secrets and making such a game of it." A half-smile curled her lips as she slipped a hand underneath his jacket, fingers reaching to play with the buttons holding his waistcoat fastened. The thought of slowly uncovering what was beneath later thrilled her. Her eyelashes fluttered up at him as she gathered her thoughts. Suddenly she felt a certain apprehension, but one look back into his loving eyes reassured her. "I thought perhaps we could play along too."

His eyebrows quirked, and in the darkening night she thought she detected some trouble in his gaze momentarily. She knew her husband well enough to believe that she wouldn't alarm him with what she suggested but as their path had not been a smooth one, she felt a tiny bit anxious that she could have evoked unsettling memories. The prospect of keeping their love secret for eternity sent her blood cold and she was beyond grateful that such a future had not transpired. She loved being able to hold his hand, walk proudly by his side, announce herself to people she had not encountered before as  _Anna Bates_. Yet they still had to keep themselves restrained while they were at Downton, the most they were able to do holding hands underneath the table in the servants' hall. It would only be there that they would pretend, and so she could not see much harm in it at all.

As his lips curved deliciously, the tension in her relaxed. John's strong hands stretched as they swept up and down her back, and the skin lying beneath the hairs on the back of her neck began to tingle.

"Mrs Bates," he elicited a faint blush from her cheeks as the way he said her name right then reminded her of their wedding night, "I know your mother told you to  _fight fire with fire_ , but I wasn't aware you liked to play with it as well."

She bit back a laugh unsuccessfully as his fingers began to trail the curve of her sides, his throaty chuckle resounding in her ears.

"We can be careful," she replied, setting her mouth into a little pout, her hands sweeping at his middle. "It's just a little fun. God knows we could all do with some of that lately."

"I won't argue with that," John sighed, his expression momentarily dropping before brightening again when he caught sight of her eyes and impish smile. His arms slipped snugly around her dainty waist again, and Anna sighed contentedly when he pulled her almost flush to him. "I never did get the chance to woo you properly."

She shook her head at the notion, reaching her hand up to cup his cheek tenderly before mischief struck her again. Her fingers began to dip slowly and purposely down his body, creating sparks through the layers of his clothes. Anna giggled as he hummed his appreciation at her ministrations.

"Well, I'm a hard woman to please," she trilled. "We shall have to see how your efforts do…" she stretched onto her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "… _John_."

She let out a little squeal of delight that echoed in the night air as he seized hold of her hips.

"You might not get a chance to find out if you carry on this way."

* * *

The next morning she noticed that he was smiling in a very particular way at her as they took the walk up to the house. The colours of his irises shone in a captivating fashion and the way they danced over her face made him look boyish. She wanted to ask him what he was up to but she held back her questions, more than a little excited to see what would come. They stopped just a few steps short of the servants' entrance, letting go of each other's hand and sharing a kiss to carry them through the day, as was customary.

Then, the secret would begin.

In the time between breakfast and luncheon, the hall was all but empty. The echoing quiet was replaced with noise and chatter as everyone gathered, catching up on the day. Anna was the last to come down, having spent some additional time comforting a suddenly tearful Lady Mary. She took in the bodies at the table, her eyes immediately seeking out her husband. John sat, a book in his hands, gazing up at her as she rounded towards that side of the table. She noticed something lying next to him, in her spot, and she tried not to let the smirk rising on her lips give her away as he did the same, eyes focused back on the pages before him.

Before she reached her seat, Ivy came round with the pot of tea.

"Oh, Anna, look! This is for you," the kitchen maid announced to the rest of the hall, whose collective eyes swivelled to take in the note and then Anna's face. The younger maids giggled in a huddle at the other end of the room, but Anna presumed it was about a note one of them had received at breakfast.

"Really? How peculiar," she said quizzically, her gaze dipping down to the top of John's head as she slid her finger across the envelope. He was giving nothing away, and her smile gave way to an impassive purse of her lips. However, it soon returned as she read the little love note.

Ivy was still hovering behind her shoulder, unable to quite keep her distance or her excitement in check. "Mr Bates, did you see, Anna has a note."

"Course he did," Thomas remarked from some corner, adjusting his jacket as he made to stand. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he's the one who wrote it. Just when I thought their love-nest spared us all from their mooning."

Anna let the under-butler's sour tone pass her by.

"Well, it's not signed," she remarked, pressing the scented paper to her nose briefly. "It only says ' _from your secret admirer'_." The butterflies started to flutter wildly in her stomach as a few puzzled looks were exchanged around the table.

"A secret admirer," John's burr rose up amongst the whispering, and he lowered his book, looking perfectly unfazed. "I shall have to be on the look-out."

For a moment, his expression softened and Anna felt her knees weaken as they shared a secret smile, one that reminded her of the first days of their relationship.

The lull that had descended in the wake of the mysterious note was soon overcome, as everyone went back to talking in their pairs and groups. Holding the envelope in her hand, Anna took her seat, reaching for her cup of tea. She started and then smiled as she felt his hand covering and caressing hers furtively beneath the table. Their fingers entwined in a dance unseen, and then John swept three languid strokes across her palm. She turned her head to meet him with a smile.

What was shared between them would never fail to take her by surprise.

* * *

Days went by, and the smile flooded her face and anticipation rushed eagerly within Anna each time she happened upon a new note. They usually appeared out-of-nowhere, at the times when it was most likely that she would be alone in the hall. Always waiting for her in her place.

After the first couple, the notes would be accompanied by something else. It would be something as simple as a silk ribbon tied around the paper that soothed her pricked fingertips, or a token that was a little more extravagant. Anna savoured the chunk of rich chocolate that melted on her tongue as she read over the note carefully, her heart bursting at the words that had been so carefully crafted.

On an especially dull day when the morning had dragged on for longer than she had wished, she couldn't hide her delight to find the beautiful, pure white gardenia flower resting upon the table. It made her feel calm as her fingers lingered on the soft petals, and then she felt anything but as she took in the contents of the accompanying notelet. Her cheeks flushed crimson reading the declarations of passion expressed within. She had a good mind to run up to Lord Grantham's dressing room, close the door behind them both and tell him how very unfair he was being, getting her worked up in such a manner, before her lips pressed upon his told the story for her.

_The eager glances they had exchanged for days now came to a head this evening, and Anna found she could bear it no longer. When he had brushed lightly past, lingering for a moment longer than necessary, the very presence of him sending shivers careening over her, that was that. A hushed whisper was all it took, and protected by the dark they rushed to taste one another, lips and bodies meeting fervently, frantically. Anna threaded her fingers through his soft hair, ruffling it free from its hold with abandon. John didn't object as his hands claimed the flare of her hips._

_Her breath came quickly between their passionate kisses, and she began to laugh lowly, tracing his eyes as they travelled over the slope of her neck._

" _Are you quite sure that it's you?" she enquired, steadying herself against one of the crates. "This secret admirer of mine is very persistent, and very forthcoming." A playful grin graced her reddened, slightly swollen lips, her fingertips guiding down his torso. "Who's to say that there isn't someone else?"_

_His breath huffed hot against her face, tickling her as the tips of his fingers did much the same to her sides._

" _I shall just have to prove myself better than the competition," he purred against her, dotting a line of kisses over her jaw and down to her throat. She whimpered as he smiled and then sucked softly upon her skin._

_She was left in no doubt of the victor of her affections._

Valentine's Day arrived with much excitement buzzing in the hall. The disquiet was too much for Mr Carson to attempt to control without getting himself into a state, so he relented and allowed cards to be exchanged at the table, so long as it was only for a short period of time and they were put away promptly after being read. Anna smiled to herself as she noticed the butler share an affectionate look with Mrs Hughes over the table.

Quiet giggles filled the air as envelopes were ripped open and cards were cooed over. She looked to her side and beamed as she watched John unfurling the card emblazoned with a heart, bringing it to his lap to enjoy in private. She would have been too entranced by seeing the smile burst onto his lips until she heard a cough coming from the head of the table and picked up the book in front of her.

It was a selection from the library, a volume of love poetry. A page was marked at the corner and Anna prised it open to allow a card to fall out onto her lap. Before she opened it, she took time to read the verse, reasoning it must have been chosen purposely; certainly so, if he had anything to do with it. It was an intriguing choice and she chanced a glance to him as she finished the closing lines:

 _Gather the north flowers to complete the south,_  
And catch the early love up in the late.  
Yes, call me by that name,-and I, in truth,  
With the same heart, will answer and not wait.

A telling smirk remained on his countenance without him looking at her and she picked up the card to read. It was a funny little Valentine token, contrasting in tone to the romantic sonnet. It made her nearly laugh aloud, and yet there was another envelope lying inside. She was just about to open it when Mr Carson's deep timbre came as a warning.

"Well, I think that's quite enough now. We do have things to be getting on with; today is just another day."

Anna's face fell in disappointment, and she felt a hand upon her shoulder. Mrs Hughes gave her a comforting look as she glanced upwards.

"You can save that for later, my girl. It'll be something to look forward to."

She nodded in silent reply to the housekeeper.

As they all rose to their feet to begin the day of work and leave thoughts of love for later, they exchanged another glance, eyes meeting at exactly the right moment.

Watching his figure walk away, leaving her with a look over his shoulder, she could only hope there would be much to look forward to.

* * *

Anna stood in the corridor just outside the servants' hall, tears glistening in her eyes as she read the letter over again. Following the curve of his neat and considered hand she sniffed back a sob, hoping that she wouldn't rouse attention from within.

Underneath that stoic surface, he had always possessed an eloquent, poetic soul. The best of it was reserved solely for her, on nights and then mornings when she would lie in the warmth of his arms, sighing as he kissed her and then whispered sweetness into her ear, about how he would love her to the ends of the earth, that all he was belonged to her entirely. There was never long enough for her to truly relish the words before they were swallowed and silenced by the growing desire that came crashing to the surface between them. Seeing them written affected her even more, especially when she recalled the last time they had exchanged correspondence. The thought of that made her cry a little, but rather it was the beauty of what he had chosen to express that caused her tears to flow. Each sentence was more heartfelt than the last. The painful memories faded away to nothing and she traced her fingers over each instance of 'love', sealing her heart with his on the paper.

"I hoped you might get a moment to read it."

She looked up abruptly, trying to compose herself as John stepped down from the bottom stair. He could see the tear stain on her cheek before she rubbed it away.

"It wasn't that awful, was it?" he said softly, only half-jokingly.

"It was wonderful," Anna's face crumpled with emotion, thinking of the words even now. "So much so that it brought me to this." She swatted him lightly when he came nearer to her. "Making your wife cry on Valentine's Day. That's a fine present."

John smiled warmly, a smile that she simply could not resist.

"It makes no difference. You look incredibly beautiful."

She flushed under his approving gaze, and in no time the tears were quite dried from her eyes.

"I wanted you to know. That even with all these fun and games, how much you mean to me." His voice lowered, but not by that much. "And how deeply I love you."

"John, of course I know. But I won't complain about being reminded."

Pride for the love of her washed over his face.

"Thank you for my card. It was truly lovely."

"Oh, well. It doesn't quite compare now," she remarked modestly.

"Of course it does," he echoed her words from seconds before and she smiled.

They stood like a pair of lovestruck youngsters for a few moments, simply admiring each other. The curve of his lips were so appealing to Anna at that very minute, her gaze bouncing back and forth between them and his eyes that had her enraptured. Though they were adept at being discreet, it would be quite daring to kiss him here, just steps away from the servants' hall.

"I have something else for you," he grinned, a twinkle lighting the hazel hue of his irises. "Meet me outside, round the corner of the courtyard, after dinner this evening."

"Mr Bates," she intoned, unable to hide her intrigue. "Whatever are you up to?"

"You'll have to wait and see," he smiled back at her. "You're the one who wanted secrets, after all."

She couldn't stop herself, and as her body moved forward, his mirrored hers in symmetry. Her eyes fluttered shut at the last moment, the smile broad on her lips before they met his. It was a sweet kiss, awaited by her all morning and she could feel in it that he had shared her sentiments.

It was over too soon, but she was smiling wider now for the taste of him. Before he pulled away from her completely, he whispered the words against her mouth.

"Happy Valentine's Day, darling wife."

"Happy Valentine's Day, my husband."

* * *

Working that afternoon seemed like an awful chore and she could barely keep herself composed during dinner, especially not when one of John's hands had dropped to her thigh, caressing it gently. Part of her wanted them to rush straight back home and enjoy a long evening at the cottage, but there was still work to be done well into the night, and of course she was very curious to discover what he had in store.

He stood before her, his hand brushing her shoulder and the back of her neck very lightly. Her stomach tightened at the contact.

"I'll see you in a few moments. Remember to wear your coat; there's a chill in the air."

She smiled as he walked away and then helped Ivy to gather up the plates and cutlery. Staying for as long as was polite, she soon shrugged into her winter coat and lifted the latch on the door. Her heart pounded with each step she took and rounding the corner to see him, it threatened to beat out of her chest. He stood so tall and handsome, his limp less pronounced today even with the cold weather. He offered her his arm and they began to walk down towards the outbuildings and gardens.

It was chilly, but Anna didn't notice it much. His touch kept her perfectly warm and the little smiles he kept giving her as she turned to look at him underneath the moonlight filled her with so much joy. Their steps crunched slightly on the grass, the night's frost already falling, giving the scene a magical mist. She gasped as they walked up to the monument with its stone pillars, seeing it alight with the soft glow of candles. A blanket was spread out inbetween, and more of the lovely white flowers surrounded its edges.

John turned to her, seeing her smile that was bright enough to light the night, taking both of her hands into his.

"I thought it was a little too cold for a picnic, and we would have been missed for too long. Then the secret most definitely would have been out." He smiled at her giggle, brushing a hand against her cheek that was cold from the night air. "But I did want to bring you here for a while. It seemed only right, somehow."

Tears began to fill her eyes anew as she recalled memories from a few years ago, in the days when their affection for one another gradually turned into something more. They would venture up here on quiet summer evenings when the war was ongoing, when they were able to have longer to themselves, learning all about one another's thoughts, hopes and dreams. Sometimes they would take it in turns to bring a book outside and read it between them as the sun was setting. In darker evenings, it was the perfect place to gaze at the stars and they did so frequently, John teaching her the constellations, she fascinated by their prettiness and his knowledge. Tonight the skies were clear and the stars were shining, illuminating the falling darkness. Anna took in a breath, feeling completely overawed with love for her thoughtful, completely marvellous husband.

She searched for the words to speak, but found that nothing came. She caught sight of his smile, feeling his hand warm in hers, before she leant to kiss him softly.

"I hope you don't mind being whisked away," John smiled at her in the fast fading light.

"I don't mind it one bit."

He took up the hand he was still holding, running his lips across it. Anna stifled a moan.

"A beautiful lady such as you," he said between the kisses he was gliding over her skin. "You must have lots of admirers waiting to impress."

She stopped the giggles from escaping her despite his playing, growing quite serious.

"No, not really," she answered. "I only have the one."

John's lips quirked into an adorable grin that he quickly tried to hide modestly. "And what do you think of this admirer of yours? Is the feeling mutual?"

She tried to hold herself away from him, but the pull was too strong.

"I think he seems very honourable," she stretched to kiss his cheek, "and sweet," then the other, "and yes," she placed her fingertips beneath his chin, guiding his lips to her own, "I believe the feeling is mutual."

He gazed at her lips and then into her face, his eyes now a little glossy too. Holding her hand with his, he guided them to sit on the blanket beneath them for a little while. The night was quiet, and Anna shifted her head against his chest when he took out the same volume that had been waiting for her that morning. His voice was a soothing note on the silent air; he stroked her hair with a practised softness, his fingertips brushing at her temples.

" _How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace…"

* * *

The tingling chill that the night had left them with was warmed out of their bones as they sat in front of the roaring fire that made the sitting room of the cottage fill with a cosy glow. They sipped the rest of the mint tea and shared the supper that John had made up as another little surprise, with the chocolates sitting on the side of the plates, Anna getting a few more on hers.

Though she was the one to come up with the arrangement, Anna had a feeling that all of this would have gone ahead regardless. She stole a glance up at John while his arm was circled around her on their sofa. It had been the perfect Valentine's Day and she was certain that she was married to the perfect husband. He was ever so considerate, to indulge her little whims and to do everything to please her, while still managing to delight her in ways that she had never imagined. This simple moment, back at the cottage, was what she had been waiting for since the charade had got underway. She was content, more than happy, and so very, very loved, and knew that she always would be.

The hour was getting late; they would have to be up ready for another day's work before very long. Anna didn't want the night to end. She stretched herself across the floor slowly, her movements languid like a cat. The space surrounding her was empty for all but a few seconds. She sighed feeling the breadth of his chest against her back, his strong arms with their gentle touch slipping about her waist. She could sink into him, stay forever; losing herself in a dream that was still real when she opened her eyes.

His skin stroked hers as his breath blew delicately by her ear, his hands gripping her hips and rocking them against his. Anna leaned her head back upon his shoulder, letting out a little mewl, the fire surging within her yearning to feel more contact.

"Have I won you over?" he growled, laying a kiss at the curve by her lobe.

She giggled gleefully, holding his hands over her stomach, running her fingers over his.

"You never needed to. I was always yours for the taking. From the very start."

His lips trailed a line of slow, warm kisses down her neck and she was already falling apart in his hands. Her insides began to tense with each further press of his mouth. She angled her head, eager for him never to stop. She could feel his smile upon her, and she wished she could see the beauty of it for herself, though it was always the first image that carried her to sleep each night and awoke her each morning.

"You know, I don't think you knew how much I adored you then," he said with a little catch in his voice that made Anna's heart quiver. "How much I loved you." He nestled at the nape of her neck, his tongue trailing softly and reverently, the tips of his fingers playing a perfect melody that her body was responding to, more fervently by the minute. "How much I  _wanted_ you."

"Oh, I had an… _idea_..."

Her words began to waver and fade away as heat washed over her, and he was all that she knew.

"I don't know that you did," he began to tease, a rumble of a laugh in his throat. "Whenever you were sitting there in the hall, looking so beautiful…I swore that you had been sent specifically to tempt me. The hours I could have spent, simply gazing upon your face, your eyes, your lips…"

Anna moaned helplessly as his hands travelled down her sides, complimenting the brush of his lips that made every nerve in her pulsate.

"I thought I would break, you had me utterly at your mercy."

The timbre of his voice was leaving her at her wits end, begging.

"All of the times I wanted to take you in my arms, hold your body close to mine…"

She hissed through her teeth in delight as his figure pressed even more to hers, and she was able to feel exactly how he desired her. She would always be unbelievably pleased that she could rouse such a reaction within him.

"How much I yearned to kiss you."

He turned her fast in his arms, looking deep into her eyes and caressing her cheek before his lips bore down on her again.

"How I wanted to kiss those enchanting lips," he lavished attention on them, coming back to kiss one after the other, eliciting delighted little gasps from her. He draped kisses across a cheek and then lowered his voice. "How I wanted to kiss you elsewhere."

"Mr Bates!" Anna laughed breathlessly, her stomach fluttering incessantly. She loved that he could be so unreserved in his passion with her now, as she was with him too. She linked up her arms over his broad shoulders, around the back of his neck, and revelled in the low groan that met her ears as she stroked and pawed at him.

"Sometimes I believed it would get the better of me. That I would sweep you up then and there, risking all the consequences. That it would be worth it just so I could know the feel of your kiss."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't have complained," she smirked, her fingers beginning to make light work as she shrugged off his jacket. It hit the floor soundlessly, soon to be followed by his collar and waistcoat. "But for all of this, I'm glad you showed the self-control."

He smiled a smile that warmed her heart, fingers tangling delicately in her now loosened tresses. Leaning forward and stooping just a little, he rested his forehead against hers. Anna closed her eyes, finding it impossible to contain her joy. They had worked so hard and come so far, all for such perfect moments like this. A kiss was pressed to her hairline and she nearly dissolved at the gentleness and pure love that it showed.

His hands, moulded to her back, pulled her closer in the next moment and everything in her thrilled anew; the two sensations so different but complimenting completely. She loved and lived for both equally.

"And so am I, Mrs Bates."

She loved hearing him speak her name.

He toyed with the buttons at the top of her dress, leaving warm kisses on her collarbone as he unfastened each one.

"Now that the secret's out, shall I show you precisely how much I love you?"

* * *

The oil lamps were burning down to their last embers, casting a glow about the bedroom and sending their entwined shadows high on the wall. Anna's breath was just about regulating now, a faint sheen on her skin and running across her shoulders that were resting on his chest. She could feel his own breaths shudder against her as he gazed at the ceiling in wonder, his hands holding her underneath where the sheets were pooled around them.

She lolled her head lower, turning it so she could nuzzle her nose against the thatch of hair that covered his chest. The smell of him was so wonderful. His hands were raking through her hair slowly, making her feel blissful in the afterglow. She could still hear the cries almost in unison, as they loved one another and reached the pinnacle of their pleasure together, as they always seemed to do so. She made a contented sigh at his caresses, soothing and close to rousing her again, and began to giggle when the tips of his fingers reached to trace her lips.

Anna lifted her eyes from the glint of her wedding band to find John's loving gaze on her. She smiled as a warm, familiar feeling set itself in the centre of her heart; she would not change a thing about their life together. Placing a palm upon his chest, feeling the steady thud against her fingers, she returned his look with just as much emotion then brought her lips to his. John held her head gently as they both sunk deeper into the kiss, so sweet and captivating.

She slouched back against his shoulder when they needed the breath; hers was stolen away again. Her fingers danced up and down his chest while his stroked her back.

"If I would have known this was where it would all lead, I would have suggested we do this sooner," she smiled, thinking of the past few days and unable to hide her glee. "This has been a very, very nice way to top it all."

Anna felt John's chest rise and fall slowly with his long exhale of breath, and after he had kissed the top of her head lightly, she looked up to see a frown mark his face; the kind she hadn't seen for a while, and that she definitely hadn't expected to find at this moment. She scrambled upwards, not being bothered by the cold air hitting her shoulders as the bed sheet fell away from her, concerned only with the troubled look her husband was giving.

"Anna, I know things have been busy of late. For the both of us." His eyes were dark, lowering to the mattress beneath them. "I wouldn't want you to feel that I don't appreciate you, or what we share."

"You silly beggar." She thought she would have cause to stop using those words now, but evidently not. "I know that you appreciate me. There's not a moment goes by in the day that I don't consider how loved I feel. About how lucky I am."

Leaning forward, her long hair swinging against him, she pressed a kiss to his mouth. She closed her eyes doing so, thinking about everything that had been between them and how much he meant to her.

The faintest of smiles crossed his lips, dying in the next second.

"We have been married and together for some time now. We've had more than enough time to get used to one another." His hand rested on her hip, fingers drawing circles on the skin there. "Before me, you had nothing to compare…I would understand if it felt different to you now. If the thrill had died somewhat and things seemed rather tiresome."

A pang of horror and guilt shot through Anna as she looked into his eyes again, seeing the shadow of uncertainty. He couldn't have thought that she had suggested all of this because she was growing bored or restless, or because she wanted something different, possibly? She would never want anything other than the man lying before her, the man she had spent nearing a decade desperate to be with for the rest of their lives; the man she loved so much that she often thought her heart would burst with it.

"It would be entirely natural. I can tell you honestly that my passion for you will never cool." He was always so sincere with her. "You would tell me, Anna, wouldn't you? If you ever felt that way. I would do my utmost to make it go away; anything you wanted, I would do."

He kissed the side of her face with such tenderness that she had to speak.

"Mr Bates…John," she quickly corrected herself, noticing a tiny spark light his eyes. "You can do everything in the world. Lay roses at my feet, speak every word of love that has ever been written. And as much as I would be honoured and flattered and accept them all with grace, it would not change anything I feel for you. Not ever."

That was completely true; she was not as sure about the fact that day followed night as she was about the fact that she would love him for the rest of her days. In every way that there was for a woman to love a man.

She came closer to him, brushing her lips over his jawline.

"I will never tire of you. I will always want you, always need you, with everything that I have."

Kissing the pads of his fingers one by one, she then took his hand and rested it upon her left breast, where it moulded easily. John let out a groan at the softness of the weight cupped in his palm.

"You are the only man who will ever touch me, taste me." To punctuate her point she laid another kiss upon his lips, parting hers to allow his tongue to glide into her mouth, sighing as he savoured her. "You are the only man who will ever know me, and you have no idea how much that thrills me. What you will always do for me."

They kissed again with increasing passion, Anna guiding their joined hands down her body. As they quested lower, she had to bite back the sharp moan that was about to escape her in sheer anticipation. The rumble emerged from John's throat as he discovered her need.

"I will always ache for you," she managed to say. "I will love you, forever and a day. And that is a promise, until the day I am no longer of this earth."

Reassured, John smiled, his hands all over her, caressing her with all the care and love in the world. She was not lost far enough not to find her way to his lips, kissing him with fervour and so much of her emotion. This was how it was now, and how it always would be; she would have perished without his touch, his kiss, his love.

Resting her head against him, she sighed and softly laughed as his fingers traced every curve of her body.

"I am so glad you're mine, Anna Bates."

"And I am glad to be yours, John Bates," she smiled, lips curled by his ear. "And, you know, there are some things that have gone unnoticed."

As she whispered her racy thoughts for him only to hear, John laughed, only stopping to shower kisses over her.

"Well, Mrs Bates, I shall keep you a secret."

That was the way she wanted it to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> The sonnets are Sonnet 33 ('Yes, call me by my pet-name!') and Sonnet 44 ('How do I love thee?') in Sonnets from the Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1850). Also, a gardenia was a symbol of 'secret love'.


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